Friday, September 23, 2011

These days

When I started running, no one told me how much of running was mental. In May and June I was dreading marathon training, but excited for the race. With less than 45 days left (I refuse to look at the NYRR website to see the exact number) I am starting to enjoy training, and starting to get scared of the race. Well, maybe not scared, but just the nervous, anxious butterflies that accompany doing anything this large.

The truth is, I am my own worst critic. I am unnecessarily hard on myself at times. Sometimes I feel unworthy and I want to give up. Sometimes it's much easier to focus on the long road a head of you, than look back and see all the progress you've made.

Other days I feel strong. I charge up Cat Hill, my legs not even burning. Zoom past people on the Reservoir. Set new PR's. 

It's so easy for my mood to swing from one side to the other, especially after a bad run (or good one) or if my little princess (aka my right calf) is feeling sore that day. I know I will finish the NYC Marathon, but will I be happy with my time? There's always faster, could have been better. But, I think if I focus on each run for what it is, in the moment, I'll be just fine. As much as I want to PR, I also want to take in the energy of the city that day, because who knows when I'll get that opportunity again. It's certainly one I don't want to waste.


  1. I have felt that anxiety more times than I care to admit. If we judge everything on whether or not we PR in a race, how can we be happy? I understand we're you're coming from. I know inside me there's a four hour runner and I haven't strung a healthy or consistent enough training cycle to do it-and I've been trying for four years. Allow yourself to revel in your accomplishment. You have worked hard and and it will pay off.

  2. Wise man! I guess it's a hard concept to get used to, but I know you can definitely have a good race, but not PR. Sometimes feeling strong/feeling like it was easy is even better.